Change, Uncertainty & Breathless Expectation.
Looking back on this year for me it has been marked by one thing: CHANGE. On the 21st of August last year we welcomed our first child into the world. A little 5 pound 14 bundle of goodness that CHANGED our lives and turned everything we thought we knew upside down .
Now I've never been one to shy away from change. It doesn't make me uncomfortable or anxious, in fact
'change' for me has always been a metaphor for adventure. Change holds opportunity and 'newness', the chance to learn both about myself and about the world I live in and the people I love.
But not this change - This was different. This change brought with it a whole new set of fears and intimidation. The kind of change that sees a real little human come into your life and completely and utterly DEPEND on you. The kind of change that sees your best friends move countries and sees the job you love become as unachievable as having a shower every morning in those early days.
Relationships change because, let's be honest, your husband is coming home more often now to baked nappies then baked dinners; and nights out with the girls are less often, and conversations at cafes slighty more 'rushed'. Things like track pants and flat shoes creep into your closet and overwhelm your collection of white dresses and high heels... This change I never saw coming.
Along with changes to your body, come changes in capacity, in memory - emotions I never knew existed, like the first time he was really sick or the hundredth time he woke up in the middle of the night, began appearing. Change.
And yet one thing never changed. His love for me and the certainty of a God whose steadfast care and concern, graciousness and gentleness overwhelmed my season of seeming uncertainty.
Oswald Chambers writes:
"Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises."
I read this a few months ago and it took my breath away.
James 1.17 (NIV) says 'Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.'
He DOES NOT change. I don't know about you, but I take great comfort in that. The same God who is the AUTHOR is also the FINISHER. The same God who authors the seasons of change in my life, walks through them with me from beginning to end. The uncertainty I feel about the present and the future are overwhelmed by the certainty of God's character: kind, patient, all loving, all knowing, and full of bigger purposes and plans for my life then I could have ever dreamed up on my own.
I don't want to be afraid of change. I want to be up for it - I want to be ready for it. And I don't know about you, but this season of CHANGE doesn't quite feel like its over yet. I've got this sense in my spirit that there is more to come and as long as I can count on the ONE who does not change, I will look ahead with a sense of certainty and breathless expectation...
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